My best friend is one of the dearest people in the world to me. I would do just about anything for her and she knows that. I have spent a good time of the past 3.5 years with her as a big part of my life. She has helped me grow in so many ways, and I've helped her grow. That's been one of my favorite things about being around her: seeing the way she takes on life's challenges and what she takes away from them. I adore her spirituality, her laugh, her singsong voice when she greets you. She is so talented and lovely.
I recently read one of her blogs to find that she is in good spirits and is smiling due to some recent social developments in her life. That makes me so happy, she has such a beautiful smile. And, the fact that she is happy also makes me happy. However, it also makes me a little sad. I've never truly connected with someone like this in my life and it's a little disheartening to see our closeness and possibly our strong friendship slipping slowly away. These feelings may be due to the fact that I'm still in love with her (I keep denying this, but know deep down it's true). We've had conversations and both know and agree that we're not meant to be. We've been down that road hundreds of times and it always comes to the same answer.
Sometimes I think to myself, "Why can't that be me? I am all of those things (and possibly more). Why can't she see me like that?" I don't know if it's selfishness or what it is. I've decided it's not jealousy, I've been jealous, so I know what that feels like, this is something different.
I want the world for her. I want all that's best for her. I want her to get what she wants; what she deserves.
It's a tough road for me. I know it's part of life, but it seems a little cruel sometimes. We're still friends and I am so happy for that. But, I know I'm going to have to deal with this. So I will take this little by little and slowly step aside as she finds her path of happiness that our Father in Heaven has laid out for her.
