I was chatting with a girl online tonight and she was talking about her father: she called him "daddy." I mentioned to her that I thought it was sweet that she called him "daddy" and she said, "You know, I really appreciate the relationship I have with him. I think there has to be a real trust there for a child to call their father daddy." This is so true. I have been pondering all day what to write about my daddy and then it came to me. Of all the things I have been taught by him, what do I value most? Well, I was called into work today because we are afraid that someone... uh, internal, might be stealing jewelry from the store and we had to take inventory of every single piece in the place. Why was I called in? Because of my integrity.
Where did I learn integrity? I learned it from my dad.
When I was about 10 years old my family took a trip to Disneyland. It was my first time to the Magic Kingdom and the night before I couldn't sleep because I was filled with anticipation of what adventures were awaiting me. We arose plenty early to dad's ever familiar and sometimes trite, "rise and shine kiddie winkies, daylight's-a burnin'!" We were literally the first ones to the park. I knew I was in for some fun that day, but little did I know, I was going to be taught a lesson that would exist as the framework to my character. The ticket kiosks had yet to open, but my father was first in line. As we stood there we both examined the ticket prices and I could tell he was adding up the total cost of admission for our family. The ticket prices were divided into two or three pricing tiers. My dad promptly asked, "Jacob, how old are you?" Only months earlier had I reached the decade mark.
I proudly replied, "Ten!"
He verbally calculated, "So that's 3 adults and two children." I noticed the price of adults was ten dollars more than the price of children. Ten dollars to a ten-year-old might as well be $100. So my little brain strategized.
"Dad, I could tell them I'm nine so we can save some money." My dad's reply is forever imprinted on my brain.
"Son, we must always be truthful. I'm not going to sell my integrity for ten dollars."
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Thursday, June 09, 2011
Seeing People as People
Ever read something that makes you want to be a better person? Recently I read The Anatomy of Peace by The Arbinger Institute and came away with a desire to do and be better.
I always thought I saw people as people and not objects, but according to the book, in a few cases, I would make a choice that made people come off as objects. I highly recommend the book, especially because I cannot explain exactly what it is about, you simply have to read it. In it, it talks about making choices that either allow us to see people as people or it puts us in a box and therefore the other person becomes an object. Something I noticed immediately is that I have a HUGE "must-be-seen-as box". My whole life I have maintained an image when in public. And not to say that I made anything up, but I have always had to be the best at everything I do and I always had to be right (but I realize that even when I am right, it doesn't have to be public), and I always had to be the spiritual leader. And if my image were ever slipping, I would find a way to correct that image. I have been striving for this ideal so long that I have sometimes forgotten to be human, so when I messed up, I would take it very hard.
When I read this, my conscious mind kept arguing with me and would use gospel quotes such as "be ye therefore perfect". However, I think that quote means so much more than we let it.
I think this is why I have so much trouble on first dates. I concentrate on making sure the date goes well that I forget to relax and just be me. I've had a lot of great first dates... and not so many second dates.
Also reading this book, I realized that I had truly already forgiven my ex-fiancee for what happened. It was good to know I don't carry that around anymore.
Now I am concentrating on being just me. If I mess up, I correct the mistake and move on. I don't feel as much pressure as I used to to maintain my "perfect" image. And most importantly, I'm more free to be me.
I always thought I saw people as people and not objects, but according to the book, in a few cases, I would make a choice that made people come off as objects. I highly recommend the book, especially because I cannot explain exactly what it is about, you simply have to read it. In it, it talks about making choices that either allow us to see people as people or it puts us in a box and therefore the other person becomes an object. Something I noticed immediately is that I have a HUGE "must-be-seen-as box". My whole life I have maintained an image when in public. And not to say that I made anything up, but I have always had to be the best at everything I do and I always had to be right (but I realize that even when I am right, it doesn't have to be public), and I always had to be the spiritual leader. And if my image were ever slipping, I would find a way to correct that image. I have been striving for this ideal so long that I have sometimes forgotten to be human, so when I messed up, I would take it very hard.
When I read this, my conscious mind kept arguing with me and would use gospel quotes such as "be ye therefore perfect". However, I think that quote means so much more than we let it.
I think this is why I have so much trouble on first dates. I concentrate on making sure the date goes well that I forget to relax and just be me. I've had a lot of great first dates... and not so many second dates.
Also reading this book, I realized that I had truly already forgiven my ex-fiancee for what happened. It was good to know I don't carry that around anymore.
Now I am concentrating on being just me. If I mess up, I correct the mistake and move on. I don't feel as much pressure as I used to to maintain my "perfect" image. And most importantly, I'm more free to be me.