Why Do I Panic? -Part 2-

In 2006 I wrote a post titled: "Why do I Panic?" I have recently revisited that post have some new thoughts on it.

So, I've dove from dizzifying heights in front of hundreds of people while wearing nothing but a loincloth. I've traveled the world. I've lived in a foreign country at the poverty level among the natives. I've performed in countless plays, including one with an audience of thousands where once again, I was in a loincloth (hmm... I see a pattern developing). I've talked to strangers on the phone, convincing them to give my company their money. I've taught Real Estate in front of audiences of thousands. All of this I did with nerves of steel.

So why is it that when I have a crush on a girl, or find her remotely attractive, I have the hardest time speaking to her? Why do I begin to panic inside? Why can't I just come out and say, "I think you are beautiful and talented. May I have the honor of taking you out to dinner?"

I even plan things to say and do I say them? No. I panic. My mind goes blank and all I do is keep quiet or laugh.

When I wrote this post, I had someone specifically in mind that I was talking about. And yes, it was also a general post on some level. I look at it now and realize that I've grown a lot when it comes to relationships. I think a majority of this is due to my broken engagement and the growth it forced me garner.
I'm not a coward by any means. I am grateful to know who I am and where I am headed and I generally think I know what I want from life. My confidence has definitely been strengthened infinitely since that last post in 2006.

Now, do I still panic when talking to an attractive girl? Absolutely. Do I have a hard time calling someone on the phone for a date? Yes. But I've learned that I simply have to push through it. I have to push through the fear, the anxiety, and the temptation to blurt out everything that I'm feeling. I've also recognized that I feel more at home when I feel like I'm in control of the scenario, which is why I don't do so well in a room full of strangers. (I also think this is one of the reasons I do theater: the room full of strangers, over time, becomes a room full of new friends.)

Sometimes, I wait too long to take action. Or least I over analyze it and believe it to have been too long... but there I go again, thinking of someone specific. Anyway, this is one thing I hope to work on: Taking dating opportunities before they disappear. And who knows, maybe past opportunities will be re-presented to me. If they are, I WILL take them this time.