Brittany

Brittany as Bonnie in Anything Goes; Heaven Hop:

A Rambling of Transition

Sometimes in my life I feel like I'm in a state of transition. It lasts anywhere from a few days to a few weeks, to a few months. Although life is moving on as it usually does, I feel as if I'm supposed to be doing something greater, something more.
Today was General Conference for the church. I love hearing the prophet's and other leaders' inspired words. I love the feeling they bring: a feeling of, well, inspiration. An inspiration to do something more, to serve others, to seek out perfection and become like our brother, who so altruistically gave is life that we may live with Father again.
Now, a thought or two on these renewed feelings: I want to serve others. I know I am happiest when I serve others. Sometimes, though, it seems that I really have to try to find ways to serve others... they don't just come along anymore. Of course, when I was younger, there were always such opportunities that came along. I could go rake leaves or plow a neighbor's driveway. I never truly realized how many opportunities the Boy Scouts gave me to serve my brothers and sisters.
I have a renewed gratitude for life, the Spirit, my body, and all else that I have been blessed with.
I love life. I'm so grateful for all that I've been blessed with. I am grateful for my family, my friends, my ability to learn and apply new knowledge, concepts, dreams, and doctrine. I often think I have a unique perspective on life. I feel older than most people spiritually.
Now, back to this state of transition. It's sad, but I feel that I've been closer with my Father in heaven. My perception of closeness to my Father would be described like a magnet. The closer I get, the more desire I have to become even closer. The further I get, the less inclined I am to do good. I am a good person, I want to be good and I want to do good. To achieve these, this closeness and goodness, takes work. Just like everything in life, things don't just happen, we make them happen.
As I grow older, I've noticed the adversary is working harder to tear me down; and not just me, but anyone who is good. A talk in conference discussed how things that were frowned upon ten years ago are commonplace today. I realize I need to push forward, work harder, and make a conscious effort to radiate light and truth.
I don't know how long this state of transition will last, however, I do know, that after it, I will be stronger and have an even deeper desire to serve the Lord.

A Happy Sadness

My best friend is one of the dearest people in the world to me. I would do just about anything for her and she knows that. I have spent a good time of the past 3.5 years with her as a big part of my life. She has helped me grow in so many ways, and I've helped her grow. That's been one of my favorite things about being around her: seeing the way she takes on life's challenges and what she takes away from them. I adore her spirituality, her laugh, her singsong voice when she greets you. She is so talented and lovely.
I recently read one of her blogs to find that she is in good spirits and is smiling due to some recent social developments in her life. That makes me so happy, she has such a beautiful smile. And, the fact that she is happy also makes me happy. However, it also makes me a little sad. I've never truly connected with someone like this in my life and it's a little disheartening to see our closeness and possibly our strong friendship slipping slowly away. These feelings may be due to the fact that I'm still in love with her (I keep denying this, but know deep down it's true). We've had conversations and both know and agree that we're not meant to be. We've been down that road hundreds of times and it always comes to the same answer.
Sometimes I think to myself, "Why can't that be me? I am all of those things (and possibly more). Why can't she see me like that?" I don't know if it's selfishness or what it is. I've decided it's not jealousy, I've been jealous, so I know what that feels like, this is something different.
I want the world for her. I want all that's best for her. I want her to get what she wants; what she deserves.
It's a tough road for me. I know it's part of life, but it seems a little cruel sometimes. We're still friends and I am so happy for that. But, I know I'm going to have to deal with this. So I will take this little by little and slowly step aside as she finds her path of happiness that our Father in Heaven has laid out for her.

Ye must repent, and become as a little child.

I just now had a full realization of why Jesus loves the little children so much, why they are so sacred. It all started early this morning before my flight. I came into the kitchen and I wasn’t feeling to well because of a little heartbreak the night before. There in the kitchen, on the counter, by herself, was my niece Destiny. Now, she’s not even three years old yet, but has quite the conversational skills. The second she saw me, she said, “Hi Uncle Jakey!” And her face lit up.
I went over to her and said, “Destiny, will you give me a hug?” And she lovingly reached her small arms around me and without being asked or prompted, she said, “I love you Uncle Jakey.”
It was at that moment that I realized how in tune the little children are with the Spirit. Now, I don’t recall Destiny ever saying that to me without being prompted by someone, and I could truly tell that she knew what I was feeling.
This is the very reason we are asked by the Savior to “become as a child.” Little children are so close to the Spirit. It was for this reason that they were prophesying when Jesus came and visited them in the Americas. In this life we become worn and jaded by the world by the carnal man, and, sadly, by sin. However, little children are protected in their innocence. They are the closest to our Heavenly Father and His kingdom before this earthly life.

Sometimes, I really hate the game...

A few months ago, I wrote a note on facebook about how I freeze, about how I panic around girls whom I find attractive. I finally overcame that... a little. Two nights ago, I had a fantastic first date with a beautiful girl. I didn't feel uneasy or panicked at all. At the end of the date, I walked my date to the door, we exchanged phone numbers, then I went back to my car. You know in the movie Hitch where the guy throws his inhaler and then goes and grabs the girl and then kisses her and after she goes inside and shuts the door, he starts leaping and dancing in the street? Well, that's how I felt after that date, and I didn't even kiss her.
I went on another date the next night with a different girl and didn't really pay as much attention to that date because I was thinking of the night before.
Now, it's two days later and, even though she messaged me and said that she, "had alot of fun last night...thanks again!" She didn't answer the phone when I called and she won't respond to a PM I sent her on Facebook. Sometimes, I really hate this game. Now, I don't know what went wrong or if this a continuation of the game, but this thing, more than any other thing that comes to mind, makes me the most stressed out.
I once went on a date when I first started college and after the date, the girl said, "That was fun, we should do it again sometime." Well, to me, that means: We should do it again sometime, right? But no, this girl hid from me when she saw me in the hall, and she started lying on the phone when she talked to me. I mean, if you don't want to go out again, that's fine. I don't want to force anyone on a date, because that would be miserable for the both of us. Just give me a hint that you don't want another date, or tell me straight up. Yeah, if you tell me how it is I may be a little hurt at first, but it beats the pain of being infatuated with someone who you think may be interested as well and then finding out after much runaround that you've wasted your time. I like it short and to the point. Why can't life and relationships be as simple as, "I like you." Or, "I'm not that interested."? Why does it have to be this game?
Now, in this recent instance, the girl is not avoiding me entirely. She's responding on my facebook wall to my mundane questions, but I just don't get it. Is she interested or not? Am I being too impatient? When you find a good thing, shouldn't you go with it until you have to make a major choice? I mean, I'm not asking her to marry me or even start a relationship, for that matter. I just want to know if she would like to go on another date. Am I asking too much too soon? Stupid game...


---Update: This girl got engaged a week later to her ex-boyfriend and is now married. Yeah, that helps my self-esteem... *rolls eyes*

Leave the Gun, Take the Canoli...

I’ve always disliked writing a blog because it always felt like writing a journal to me. Except this journal, everyone could see. Now I realized that they are two separate things.
I find it interesting, the everyday conversations we have in life. Now I get to start have a lot of conversations with everyone from around the world due to the nature of my job.
Today, I sat next to a gentleman from Branson, Missouri. He wore tattered jeans, sunglasses, and a button up shirt that he allowed to hang open one too many buttons, revealing his sun-soaked skin. The yellow stains on his fingers and his fidgeting suggested two things: one, he was a smoker, and two, he hadn’t smoked all morning. Now I’m grateful for the latter because we crammed ourselves into the petite airline seats in which only a twelve-year-old would be comfortable and I was not interested in trying to keep out the rank odor that accompanies that habit. He propped his feet up against the bulkhead to reveal his sockless feet clad in woven sandals. He opened up today’s copy of USA Today and roamed through the headlines with no interest until he paused at the purple Life section to read an article that grabbed his interest.
He immediately turned to me, “Woah, look at that,” he said pointing to a photo of Sting. “The Police are getting back together.”
Now I’ve heard of The Police and I know I like some of their songs, and I definitely like Sting, but when you ask me who sings what song, that’s like asking a quadriplegic to pass you the salt. However, before I could stop myself, I replied to his comment, “Wow, that great that they can do that at their age.” It was a harmless comment and I didn’t even think about what I was saying until the man guessed my age exactly.
“You’re 24 aren’t you?”
“Yep.”
“So, you think they’re old?” He said, again gesturing toward the photo.
“Uh…” My mind raced to correct the possible insult. “I think anyone that is older than me is old, I guess it’s just how my generation is.” I only dug the hole deeper with this comment. I was way past recovery.
“What, do you like Greenday?” He asked with mild interest.
“Not really.”
“What bands do you like?”
“I don’t really like bands, I’m more of a song kind of a person.” My mind raced to find something, if anything to help me get back on an adult level with him. “Today there aren’t really any great bands like The Police, you just don’t hear about them.”
His demeanor changed with an agreeing nod and then he began to lecture me on the bands of the past. And then it moved to movies. He asked if I had ever seen The Godfather. I asked which one.
“All of them.”
“I’ve only seen the first one.” He hung his head disapprovingly.
“Have you seen Goodfellas?” I nodded my head affirmatively, not really remembering if I had or not. “Oh good. I actually had a small part in that one.”
Oh, he’s an actor, now that I can relate with. “What do you do for a living.”
“I’m a musician.” It was all starting to make sense: the attire, the appalled attitude, the businessman-hippy demeanor. This guy has to be a guitarist. “I play the guitar.”
“You really think The Police are old?” I let that question be rhetorical.
The airline bell sounded, I put on my headphones and the conversation was over.

Ignorance?

Something interesting happened a moment ago. I'm in Grand Rapids, MI for the week and I had finished my session for the day when a woman approached me. She asked me why I went to Brasil. I told her that I was there for a religious mission. Here's how the rest went:

"Are you Jewish?"
"No, I'm Christian."
"If I may ask, what denomination are you?"
"I'm belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You may know them as Mormons."
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"That you're a Mormon."
"Oh... Okay... Well, thanks for coming today. I hope you enjoyed yourself."
"I did. I had a very good time."

Now I don't know if this woman realized, but it made her look very foolish and ignorant. One of my co-workers watched the whole thing and looked on with an appalled face as it happened.

She said she had been a religious missionary as well, and she had a ring with a cross on it. It made me wonder to myself, "How can you call yourself a Christian and still have that kind of intolerance for any of God's children?" My heart aches for her and hopes that she can learn true charity and how to follow our Savior's example. I haven't encountered this kind of ignorance in a long time and I have never had that kind of reaction to someone discovering what I believe. I makes me a little sad inside.

WoC 2/8

Wow, what an emotional week. The ups and downs of life seem to be giving me whiplash. This week, I was in LA. I think this is one of the first times I've been at Disneyland, but never gone into the parks.
Anyway, the pressure is on to get this presentation learned. They have sent me a contract and want me to look it over: that is good news. They also want me to tape myself giving the talk and then send that into them; more good news. They aren't training any other speakers for this brand at the moment: very good news.
I, however, don't feel super ready to give the presentation all the way through. Granted, I could wing it through and not look stupid, but since I have no (according to the office) "experience" in speaking, I am going to need to nail this the first time I give it in front of an audience.
An audience doesn't bother me. I've been performing and dealing with audiences my entire life. The first time I was ever in front of an audience, I was one year old. It was in front of thousands of people and I wanted my daddy, so I went up to him and started fidgeting with his mic. He then put me on his shoulders. When he was answering a very important tax question, he got a huge laugh from the audience because unbeknownst to him, I was shaking my head no in contrary to his answer.
I'm not nervous, persay. I am, however, under a lot of pressure. I think most of that pressure comes from my dad and primarily from me. I feel the need to be stupendous (and I will be) to uphold the Shamy speaker legacy. I'm the son of the best speaker in the company and people are going to expect results. I'm going to supply those results and be just as good, if not better, than my dad.
I am looking forward to this job and there are several things I can't wait for, I'm so excited. First of all, I can't wait for a paycheck. It's been too long without one. Second, I can't wait to become Medallion status, that way, most of the time I can get upgraded to first class. Third, I can't wait to do this talk in front of a real audience. Doing this in front of one person or none at all is very tough, especially when you want an answer from them. Fourth, I can't wait to be able to pay my dad back for paying for my training to be in this job. And finally, I can't wait for daddy to let go of my hand. He seems to be around all the time and I feel like I'm letting him down sometimes. It's not going to work with him around all the time.
Anyway, I believe I am going to give this in front of a real audience for the first time
at the end of next week, so it's off to prepare more for me. Stay tuned.

The Winds of Change

Well... it looks as if I'm able to name the year and that's been it. Hopefully, I'll get a little better at actually blogging this year. This year is labeled: The Winds of Change. Life is changing and I'm not going to be left in the dust; I'm changing too. This year I am making an effort to further balance my life. I am going to be successful in my financial goals. I am going to be successful in my physical goals. I am going to be successful in my spiritual goals. And finally, but not least, I am going to be successful in my social goals.
I have felt my ability to embrace and apply change increase. In the past I did not adapt well to it. I would face it with anger and quite often with tears. This year I face it head on and challenge it to shape me into the person I know I am.
Let's do this.